Andain's Most Shamefully Otaku LiveJournal

Yeah yeah I said I wasn't going to post here anymore. Well there's some shit that just doesn't belong on a forum.

Warning: This is incredibly personal. Maybe even a little crazy. I should probably have made this private. But this is maybe meant to be seen by someone who probably won't ever see it. The following was written freely and with lots of emotion so if you are not comfortable with that kind of thing just don't read it.
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I have past issues with a certain someone that was never resolved and will more than likely never be resolved. For some reason I can't just forget about it. Probably because the activity I enjoy almost every day (FFXI) was introduced to me through this person and was at one point almost ruined by said person. Or maybe because I meant it when I said this person was like a big sister to me and there was so much sadness. Luckily enough I was able to return to FFXI after months of thinking I should just quit and was welcomed with open arms by a group of awesome players who to this day, over 2 years later, remain my family here on Seraph. Through my new family I have met more wonderful people and accomplished some great things. Perhaps all the bull shit was necessary so that I could find Mambypamby, Raxil and Illsaide and become a key part of DepthPerception. I am still however scarred by the past events that took place in my previous Social. I will always be a little paranoid. Despite knowing that my current LS is not those who spurned me there is always something in the back of my head. Fear that something will occur to have them suddenly turn on me or my Husband.

There is always a curiosity. I have been told I am cat like and it definitely is true in the negative sense as well. I am a "Curious Kitty" as my Husband calls me when I stick my nose where it doesn't belong. To a fault? Probably. Is it shameful? Maybe. Why am I mentioning this? I have on occasion checked to see how the four members of my old LS are fairing in their new homes on other servers through search engines and the like.

A couple months ago I found something that was interesting although not too shocking posted on a forum. The four players who had turned on my husband and I had inevitably turned on each other at some point. Like I said, no big surprise. I had seen the one who had introduced me to FFXI(M) and her significant other(S) turn on others before they ever turned on my husband. For some reason I thought we had been safe from that negativity because we knew them IRL, but I suppose that is a moot point. I figured the other two members (L and K) of the four would eventually follow suit not only because it was the common trend, but because L and K, I had discovered after all the drama a few yeas ago, were incredibly petty. Because I didn't practically grovel to them with an apology over something as minor as leveling a job 4 levels higher than them they didn't want to hear from me. So good riddance. I suspect there was a lot of talking behind our backs between the four of them because L and K's turn against us was over something so ridiculously minor it made absolutely no sense what so ever.

I have to wonder if any of the four were as not surprised as I was by their break up. If I recall correctly after tossing my old LS pearl I got a /tell from K who was acting so heart broken over the whole thing. Whether or not she really was, I don't give a shit. At this point I was completely numb. Which was a good thing because it caused me to say something that I'm glad I said. I pointed out to K that what M and S had done to my husband and I is something I have watched them do to other LS members before and that I should have seen this coming. I then said "Good bye" to her. She seemed a bit shocked that I wasn't trying to fix it anymore after months of trying to work it out and no one else wanting to budge. Actually she seemed a bit pissed that I was no longer in for the fight, particularly no longer wanting to deal with her either, so my warning might have been lost on her. The warning was that they too will eventually be fucked over by M and S's affinity for drama and hypocrisy.

I do have to say it put a smile on my face to learn that after whatever drama took place L was the one trying to fuck over M and S by having them kicked from a Dynamis LS they were all in. Since the experience of losing friends due to M and S's cattiness and unwillingness to talk to people about what's bothering them in a mature manner instead of acting like brats doesn't seem to be enough for them to wake up and actually feel a loss from their actions, L's equally catty behavior which led them to being kicked from a Dyna shell annoyed M enough to post about it on a forum. I can't deny that it felt good that there was a consequence although I don't agree with what L did. And it's kind of sad that M didn't seem to be making a big deal about losing her friends until she was kicked from a Dyna shell.

Why am I writing this now? Well I'm home sick and was on FFXIAH.com when I felt that twinge of curiosity again. I was curious if M and S even still play. Their AH history suggests they are on a break at least but that's not what caught my attention. M's quote is "No moar drama please. It's only a game..." Maybe it's time to ask yourself why you can't seem to avoid drama, M.

How can you hope to avoid drama if you are oblivious to the reality that you are the one who often encourages it? Open your eyes, stop being so judgmental and stop the hypocrisy. You keep saying this is just a game, however it is you who have a problem with people playing the game the way they want to. I have no idea what really happened to you over at your new server outside of that one post you posted on your LS forum. I do suspect what happened between you two and L and K was majorly because you got pissy because he was into more end game activities than you. Some how you see this as an insult towards yourself and S? I don't understand why but that's how it came across in your post. You turned on my husband because he got full of himself and was name dropping? Sure he has a big mouth and teased but it was never malicious. He does it still and no one on DP has a problem with it, in fact we have some members who go right back at him creating some of the funniest gut busting chat logs and memories. And as for the name dropping bull shit (laughable, really) all he was doing was saying how much fun he was having in Dyna and how he was enjoying the company of the people in that group. We were kind of hoping you guys would see the fun and join in with us. I'm SO GLAD you didn't because it was through that Dyna LS that we found DepthPerception and I'm grateful that your taint didn't reach them.

There has to be a reason why you two are always surrounded by drama. My husband and I have been drama free for over 2 years now and yet you are not. I am writing this as my final resolution that what happened between our old LS those years ago was not mine or my husbands fault, but the fault of two inwardly ugly individuals who are blind to their own flaws and are doomed to rewalk the same path over and over until they take an honest look deep within themselves.

No, I really have no interest in making up with anyone. If I did I would have been less honest with how I really felt when writing this. I don't need to hear from these people ever again. Through all this I am a stronger person, a stronger player as well. However I was incorrect in a way when I said within the first paragraph that this was an issue that may never be resolved. It is resolved now within me. I have no regrets. Yes, it still stings, but I wouldn't undo it in a million years if it meant I wouldn't have had the experiences on FFXI that followed. I am grateful for the past couple years and look forward to the years to come.
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That felt good!

I had taken a break from FFXI when my mother passed away this past August. However I am back and having a good time again with all my friends. I'm not really going to be updating here much anymore due to Psychofetrus's outstanding job on the DepthPerception web site and forum. Even more exciting is that people are actualy using the forums to their full potential! That will be my haunt for all things FFXI from now on.

Since I've come back a month ago many exciting things have taken place creating quite the enticing welcome back for me! Xanadu's Limbus has been nothing but a success, an outstanding Swift Belt run with an unbelievable 9/11 record for the LS, Bard my final job for some time I've decided (5 is enough!) has reached 75, Bemused and Tyrial are almost up to Tenzen battle in CoP and should have Sea access by this weekend. I'm sure I'm leaving things out. Anyways...

All is good. Love this game. Love the people I play with.

Peace! ^^v I'll be at the forum!

Yeah Yeah Yeah I haven't really abandoned LJ. Real Life got real sucky with my mom in the hospital. She's still there, hooked up to all kinds of machines, unconscious... I haven't seen her in a while. After the last time I went in and saw her like that I had a mild panic attack while unable to sleep regarding her welfare.

The only social interaction I could stand was Shin. I even wanted to stop paying FFXI for a while and I did. My family understandably has been a little batty (what's new? <3) and I was forced to talk about it at work far too much making me go into HIDE mode. Thank Zombie-Jesus for Shin. He's been amazing to me throughout all this. He's been incredibly patient with me, optimistic and a great distraction. He's really my favorite person in this whole fucked up world even if he has a tendency to open his big mouth without thinking or jump into things too hastily so that I have to administer the beatings because he Leroy Jenkinsed my first Fay Crozier augment attempt. 8D

I'm still feeling incredibly antisocial. I'm back on FFXI though and I just wanted to say I love my Linkshell! Depth Perception has been a constant source of dependable companionship since the days of Team Susan. And we somehow continue to find people of like mind who fit in so harmoniously while those who don't quite fit either leave on their own terms or are asked to do so with the least drama possible. I appreciate it so much. It's hard to explain, but I feel I can TRUST you guys. I know I'm not the only one in this LS who has been scorned by BS drama loving ass hats in this game. I will always have trust issues with the people I play with because of it, but with this LS I feel like I have a family and I know that should any issues ever arise it will be handled up front, out in the open, with maturity and honor. These are things I feel are very important as I have seen shit fall apart due to conniving, immature, cowardly actions in past LinkShells.

Above all else this LS loves FUN! We have a unique ability to go from serious buckled down get shit done mode to crazy arm flailing chaotic don't give a shit happy times mode. Just this past Sunday for example! Flawless low-man clear on Limbus, followed by a lucrative set of KSNM runs followed by everyone in the LS is invited to get silly, hang out, sync down to lvl 13, and rape Bubu in alliance for exps. You guys lifted my spirits despite all the real life stress.

I'm not even sure anyone even reads this LJ anymore but I'd feel like a total goober posting this on the LS forums. It's a bit too personal. ^^; But if you are from Depth Perception and you happen to see this, this is a huge THANK YOU for being a part of my FFXI family!

Thanks to Psychofetrus DepthPerception has a snazzy new website and a fabulous new message board at http://www.resistsilence.com/dp/

Team Susan came together with a lot less Elvaan and got Bemused through Promy-Vahzl without a hitch. My bard hit 71 in a manaburn started by Echodyne. Shin and Bemused came along too for happy LS times.

I spent hours at Pankration last night to get enough points for that fancy soultrapper Bem and Psy had last Zeni farming run. I got through it with a book which I am enjoying a lot more than I thought I would lol. Everything is better with Zombies.

Well i won poopies from Mog Bonanza second year in a row. For my rank five choice I opted for the Martial Ball Invite because I love the rush battle so much. :D
Then I needed to find a group of people interested.

In LS last night
Andain: Martial Ball Inviite get.
Magusofentropy: You're seriously going to do that?
Andain: Yep.
Andain: Chance to fight Prishe and Shantotto <Yes Please>
Tyrial: I understand wanting to kick Shantotto's ass, but Prishe... meh.
Andain: I like Prishe. I want to see her <Hundred Fists> Shin :3
Tyrial: Ok I'll sign up for that.

LOL
Mam already said she'd be up for it too. I am assuming that means Rax as well?
As long as I go with the watch Prishe <Hundred Fists> Shinjiku angle I shouldn't have too much trouble getting one more person, right? XD
I love my husband. :3

I don't feel very well, stayed home from work. For some reason that always makes me feel worse though. ><;
/sigh

Depth Perception has pretty much tripled in size over the past few months. The most recent additions joined this week from Diabolos where Emnoch, Xavina, and Magus transferred from so long ago. I had the pleasure of exping with them, a party that got my bard to level 70! They are all around nice people!

Psychofetrus's LS Xanadu is off the ground as a low man manaburn Limbus LS (currently 6 members). We are making plans to help members of Depth Perception without Sea access and an interest in Limbus on CoP. It was decided that we would help those closest to Sea access first in order to increase Xanadu's numbers ASAP. Those being Raval (on CoP6-4) and Tyrial (on CoP7-4). Waiting to hear from Raval and Psychofetrus on when an Airship run will be scheduled. Then Raval will be caught up with Tyrial and we can proceed with Calm Before the Storm and lolTenzen fight.

My bard is currently less than 10k to 71. My anni ring is out of charges and suddenly 75 feels like such a grind. ><; Sure I could take care of it quickly with pick up EXP on birds or mamool, but... FUCK THAT! This bard rolls with Depth Perception (and affiliates of) onry!

A LS from Siren has transferred here to Seraph. Yes the whole LS. They were run out of Siren for the same bullshit they are starting to pull here. The LS name is Toki and the color is pale pink. While I do not participate in HNMs and Dynamis (The events they have been causing drama in) I have plenty of friends who do. I am /blisting all members of Toki. Yes my /blist is incredibly long as is and you know what? It is the most peaceful beautiful thing. I really do encourage people to use the /blist function to the fullest extent. IE: shout something stupid in WG? You're /blisted. Get emo because I'm pulling faster than you? You're /blisted. It's lovely! I don't have to deal with the idiot-children of Seraph. :D

omg i wish i had known about this while mam, rax, shin and i were with LittleGarden XD
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singlish

So I'm stuck at my parents house after volunteering to help with two kittens that were found in their backyard (one asleep on my boobs as I type) and I'm incredibly bored. So I have hijacked my mother's ancient and incredibly slow  IBMshitpad.

This week was great :3

Shin logs on early this week and gets a /tell from a familiar name. Tyrial! He had stopped playing before WotG came out was considering moving servers (for personal reasons that I won't get into) but couldn't bear to do it.  Now he's a member of DepthPerception. It was actually kind of heart warming that after all the BS of the last few years the Ty and Shin bromance seems to be back on again. He's such a good guy, I am really quite happy! Should I be expecting Shin's cell phone to ring with Ty's name on the display at night like olden times?

Wednesday the LS did two ACP final battle runs. I already said this on Illsaide's LJ and it pretty much sums up how I feel about the fight: I still can't believe people have complained that it's a hard fight. They must fall into the same category of people who can't beat the Airship or Tenzen fight in CoP. Players who don't have a clue, basically.
I of course in my current obsession with SMN chose the Royal Redingote with pet accuracy and pet attack augments. We'll be doing more runs in the future for more LS mates, but for now I am happy with the choice. ^^

Thursday EXPs brings BRD to 64. Getting there. 65 and I can finally wear my crown which until now has been little more than a decorative paper weight.

Zio logged on for a moment. Really miss him and Khatana. Hopefully it won't be too long until the baby calms down and they'll be on more often.

Last night we had everyone who was logged into LS come down to the Dunes for some fun. We all allianced together, synced to level 12 (2 or 3 members were 10 or 11), sat ourselves at the oasis and wailed on crabs, bunnies, gobs etc. Must have looked odd to those running by seeing 9 people on one crab, lol. At one point a bored 75 PLD stopped and watched and eventually started throwing out cures. It was great to get that many Depth Perception members together for shenanigans. It was all in the name of fun but I did go from 16 to 18 DNC! Productive fun is great!

Also Psy announced this week that the Limbus LS will launch June 1st! I am super excited! I wonder if we can get Ty Sea access before then. He's on 7.4 and will need those 3 easy NM fights and to take down Tenzen.

Tomorrow Shin has off from work so we'll be up for any more LS activities thrown our way! :D

This article is depressing.
www.sankakucomplex.com/2008/12/03/mirrors-edge-moefication/ (WARNING: This website is NSFW)

My opinion:
Faith from the game Mirror's Edge is probably my favorite video game heroine created in recent years. She is strong physically as well as mentally with a cooler than glass attitude and the skills to get shit done. In my opinion she is the portrayal of a realistic modern Asian woman. In the past I've known girls who look a heck of a lot like her. She could be any woman walking down the street in the city and by all means would be considered very attractive in that context. She is REAL and RELATABLE and I appreciate it.

I can't even believe that she would be considered "ugly." Points of her supposed unattractiveness are that her eyes are small and thin, her face has a hard edge and her breasts are small (/sarcasm OMG THE HORROR /sarcasm off) but zombie jesus christ there are highly successful Asian women, actresses and fashion models with the same characteristics (see: Sonny Zhou, Du Juan, Lucy Liu). And to many these women are considered lovely. To call her ugly is ludicrous.
We have to widen her eyes (looks Caucasian now to me), add a juvenile plumpness to her face and give her giant breasts to be acceptable to the gaming community? Why?
It's kind of demented IMO.

To re-quote the game producer, Tom Farrer:I agree 100%

Because I'm retarded.
I lost my purse the other day and canceled my bank card... neglected to change billing to Shin's credit card. You get the point ><;
I have to wait until Shin gets home at midnight. ; ;


edit: NUUUUUUUU!!!!!
/wrists x1000
Words can't express how incredibly pissed off I am right now
www.ffxiah.com/item.php
(See what sold tonight while I couldn't log)
Emoooooo~!
Why will you not let me have you Summoning Earring? WHY?!

Maintenance boredom leads me to youtube as per usual.



Here we have a gag dub over for scenes from the FFXIII demo.



A very humorous scene from Tower of Druaga: Aegis or Uruk



the OP from same anime. This is probably my favorite anime right now. :3 Although i cannot find the sequel anywhere. ; ; Guess it's not being subbed yet.

So after talking to Shin I've decided to finally buckle down on one single job I have to 75 and really work to pimp it out because I've been far too ADD about this sort of thing. I decided to go with the fuck everything else mentality and go with the job I enjoy the most, SMN! :D

To help orient me with my goal I created a list of the 5 sets of gear necessary for SMN and included the ideal items i wish and will eventually at one point attain. Items I own already have a check (√) next to them. The gear lists do not include my weapons as that changes per avatar, however at the end of the list I did add what HQ staves I still need.

( clickity click me! )

I am aware that there's a couple pieces from Dynamis that would be great for SMN but I </3 Dynamis (after a third attempt to just grit my teeth and do it I've decided it's just not for me. 3 hours of hell no thanks) so I decided not to include those items on my gear goals list (save for Summoner's Bracer's which I had already attained). Nor am Idid I include anything that would be gained from HNMs because I have no interest in having to deal with any of the drama loving gear whores that run with those shells.

It's easy to say I want this and leave it at that, but here's some more in depth statistics about how gil and time consuming it will be to get this goal accomplished.

( clickity click me part 2! )

Realistically this is going to take a long long time. How can I make the best of my time? While waiting for Psy's Limbus LS to take off I will be farming gil to buy the AH items while also finishing merits on my SMN. I know I'm not the only one who is chomping at the bit to do Salvage, but I also know we need to wait for some people to finish certain jobs and for people's schedules to lighten up. Orichalcum Ingots have dropped significantly in price and I wouldn't be surprised if the price dops further in the months to come so waiting on Salvage is not such a bad thing.

Well, that's my priority right now, otherwise known as how i will be ultimately content wth my SMN gear.
I know TL;DR. XD

Ding 75 BLM last night!
Thanks everyone for the great LS manaburn pt :D
Good times!
Sorry I had to crash. I felt like my brains were imploding.

Now to merit the heck out of BLM. Oy.

yesterday i did the unthinkable.
i facebooked.
any one have any holy water?


(P.S. I posted in LS community. I still live! RAWR.)

I am not Andain from Cerberus
I am from Seraph
And I am much cooler XD
Kthnxbai~!

In actual news, doll festival starts soon. They haven't announced a fan art contest but I am already scheming up ideas!

I am still alive. Just haven't hit the net much these days via computer.
I have been keeping busy with (besides work ><):
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia DVDs
Arrested Development DVDs
Vampire Knight (RAWR wtf ending! not thrilled ; ; )
Persona 4
and last but not least. . .

FFXI as always. Bard postponed (sorta) due to new Black Mage obsession. Probably the most relaxing job I have ever played. Shin and I can duo together if no one else is around and the exp is great! LS Manaburns are tons of fun, and speaking of the LS Zio has defeated Maat! {Excitement}! RDM is completed to subjob level where it will stay. Next subjob on the list is one I have been procrastinating on for a while, SAM.
What else... I am once again finding myself caught up with CoP for a bunch of LS mates. Due to availaility and the number of people who need it we have decided to split it into two groups, a Weekend group and a Wednesday group. I was volunteered by The Grand Master Even Planner Illsaide to help wih both because of Summoner. I won't complain though. It's pretty cool being a CoP veteran and CoP is still the best content FFXI has to offer in my opinion so I really don't mind reliving it. Wednesday night we completed Mea Promy. One more to go for the Wednesday group and they have Tavnazia access are done, but the Weekend group is starting from the beginning.

Tonight I think there was talk of an LS manaburn so I'll be logging on now.
Bai bai!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooo~!

sorry, GIR moment. XD

Braid is an awesome game. Download it now if you have an Xbox360, patience, and a knack for solving brain numbing puzzles. The creator, Jonathan Blow is a rare videogame visionary. I can't wait to see what he does next.

Shin is playing MegaMan 9. They did an awesome job with this one. 1.21 jiggawatts sent me back to 1990 and I'm loving it!

Mirror's Edge is a lot of fun. Great aesthetic, great music, great gameplay. When you get in the groove you feel invincible. The mood ranges from completely chill to adrenalin rushed. I heard a complaint that it is repetitive. . . >.>; I play FFXI for hours a day so I guess I like the repetetive. XD

and in FFXI news Ziotahn reached 65 in LS manaburn pt last night. Grats Zio! 10 more levels to go!

I am proud to say that the past week we acquired 2 Jouyeuse for our Link Shell.

First time Shin got ToD while home sick and rushed me home from work because window was opening in an hour. I get there, no one's around but an AFK BST and a loan THF. Other LS members are no where to be found ( they were held up by real life drama ; ; ) The THF is killing placeholders, I'm running around in circles bored and Charybdis spawns above my head ;D. Shin and I attempted to duo but was a little much for our first attempt and wiped. The THF grabs it after our wipe and doesn't last 2 minutes before biting it. Charby then procedes to kill the AFK BST ><; Illsaide, who had logged about 10 minutes into our fight, is on his way as Charby's HP fills back up. Illsaide arrives as we are resting from weakened. With the 3 of us the fight was a piece of cake. RDM/WHM WHM/BRD and NIN/DNC <-- in full evasion gear borrowed from Rax
Rax shows up when Charby is @ 10% and we finish the job. Shin gets a pimp sword.

Saturday evening was crazy. 4 Link Shells total were camping that bastard. Did not get claim. Sunday morning we all wake up early for window and... 7.5 hours later Charybdis decides to make his entrance. A duo groupwho showed up 30 minutes befoe he made his appearanc grabbed claim but were unable to handle him. We grabbed from their wipe and make it look easy. RDM/WHM WHM/BRD WHM/BLM and NIN/WAR. Rax gets his pimp sword :D A whole day of camping an NM @_@ ouch. After that brain liquefying experience we went from Charby fever to NO MOAR NM 4 WHYL PLZ. So {Taking a break}.

2 Joy down I think 5 more to go? @_@
Ill, Mam, Mirde, Khat and I? Did Psy want it?

I told my LS about this pic I made some time ago but I never uploaded it.




Note: I <3 baby seals. They are so sweet and innocent. I have baby seal character key chains and stuffed baby seal toys. I don't think they should be harmed by humans in any way. HOWEVER the way they flop around all blubbery and cute reminds me of the leech mobs of FFXI ... add the fact that I love hexastrike, which is a club weapon skill ... multiply it by my sick mind and the result is this picture. Peace and Love to all and if any one feels like starting a fight over this silly picture they won't get one because your comment will simply be deleted.

Ok, I found something that can be potentially nifty... muzicons.com
Testing it out now using the music from the Techno Twins AT&T Commercial "Money Shot" by Yannis Kamarinos.
Let's see if it works.



edit: It seems to be working! Awesome!